guiness-guide

A Beginner’s Guide to Guineaism

Prepare to begin the most important journey of your life.

Introduction

Welcome, devoted seeker, to the sacred path of Guineaism. I am honored to guide you on your journey. Congratulations on taking your first steps toward enlightenment.

In this Beginner's Guide to Guineaism, you will explore the profound History of our faith, uncover the sacred Divine Edicts, delve into our revered texts, and understand the distinct traditions of True Guineaism vs. New Guineaism. May these teachings illuminate your path and lead you to spiritual fulfillment.

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History

The Divine Edicts

Guiness presents the Divine Edicts to the first Guineacians. (Guiness 14:3)

At the end of his long life, Guiness presented ten rules to the first Guineacians, given to him by his chieftan.* Guineacian scholars expanded on these texts based on witness accounts of the life and lessons of Guiness. These books became The Divine Edicts, ten religious texts upon which all Guineaism is based. Each Edict and its accompanying book are listed below.

The Ten Divine Edicts of the Guinea Pig Realm

Thou Shalt Honor Thy Habitat

Keep thine dwelling pure and undefiled; let not the place of thy sustenance be sullied by thy refuse.

(Sacred Hay 35:3)

Thou Shalt Share in Brotherly Love

Let the bounty of thy enclosure be shared amongst all, for in unity…lies true peace.

(Sacred Hay 35:3)

Thou Shalt Exercise Restraint

Engage in thy playful deeds with caution and care, lest thy actions breed discord and strife.

(Sacred Hay 35:3)

Thou Shalt Maintain a Gentle Voice

Speak in tones of moderation; let not thy wheeks become a source of disturbance to the peace of others.

(Sacred Hay 35:3)

Thou Shalt Keep Thyself Hale and Hearty

Pursue the paths of vigor and health, for in the wellbeing of the body, the spirit too finds its joy.

(Sacred Hay 35:3)

Thou Shalt Show Gratitude to Thy Chieftan

Bestow upon the hand that feeds thee the gift of they gentle affection, for it is through their benevolence that they sustenance is assured.

(Sacred Hay 35:3)

Thou Shalt Embrace Wisdom and Caution

Let curiosity guide thee, but be thou not led into folly; eschew the tempations of the perilous and the unknown.

(Sacred Hay 35:3)

Thou Shalt Heed the Call of Slumber

When darkness falls upon thy realm, seek the comfort of thy rest, for in the morrow, new challenges await.

(Sacred Hay 35:3)

Thou Shalt Respect the Elders

Give ear to the counsel of the aged, for their wisdom is honed by the passage of many moons.

(Sacred Hay 35:3)

Thou Shalt Leave a Legacy of Goodness

Strive to be remembered not for mischief, but for the blessings thou hast bestowed upon they domain.

(Sacred Hay 35:3)

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